I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
