yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
