I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
