I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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