We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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