I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i love accidental penises.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
