im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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