my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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