My cat gives me a boner
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
