I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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