so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
sarcasm needs its own font
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
