Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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