I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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