i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
