Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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