I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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