Im at strip club and am horny
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
