I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
