I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
