I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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