Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
