You smell like stripper and shame
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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