I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
