I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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