nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
