I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
