Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
