So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
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hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
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Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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