I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
