Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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