Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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