I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
