alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
