So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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