I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
