Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
