In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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