please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
