That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
