the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
