obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
