I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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