I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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