OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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