You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
