i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
