Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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