Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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