Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
4 words: hood of his car
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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