Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize