You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
