My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
