This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
