so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
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you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
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They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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