she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
