I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
