I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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