Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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