Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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