All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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