Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
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i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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