Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi

(214): View more from Texas

ok, stay where you are, be there soon

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....

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(804): View more from Virginia

The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.

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(313): View more from Michigan

tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve

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(212): View more from New York

It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis

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(970): View more from Colorado

But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?

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(630): View more from Illinois

well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video

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