Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
