textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
