Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
