i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
