hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Ketchup is God's man juice
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
