The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
