i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
