i think my mom watched the whole time
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
