He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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